It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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