you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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