who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
