I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
