New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
