I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
