Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
did i walk over a car last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
