A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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