i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
