We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
