I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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