Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
