then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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