So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
