I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
