i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
