This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have demons in me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize