i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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