let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
