Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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