I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
