the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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