i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
