hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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