i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
