i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
