you guys were way drunker than both of me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
