i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
