Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
