There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
