I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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