i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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