Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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