there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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