all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
