No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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