mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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