i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
