if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
