this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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