I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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