I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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