She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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