And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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