I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
