We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
