dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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