cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
