I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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