party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
