dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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