Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
