I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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