What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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