he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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