your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a search helicopter?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
