You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
