i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
