i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize