I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
