So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Randomize
