I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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