I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
