i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize