She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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