i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
