i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
