I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
