Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
