She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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