I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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