Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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