Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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