So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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