I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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