I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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