Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
