We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
