I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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