..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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