Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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